Divorce Help Site

Children and Divorce - Three Tips for Parents Who Want To Help Their Kids Cope

Divorce is all too common in western countries. Typically 50% of all marriages fail, and the unfortunate reality is that the words ‘children and divorce’ apply to literally millions of kids around the world.

When a divorce occurs, children often feel like the bottom has fallen out of their world. The mother and father together in a healthy marriage provide a secure environment for children, and when this is suddenly gone they are susceptible to all kinds of emotional troubles. They may become aggressive, or they may withdraw. Behavioural problems are common, as is poor performance in schoolwork. Their confidence will often be affected when faced with the challenge of adjusting to a new reality.

Thankfully there are some steps that concerned parents can take to help their children through this painful experience.

Firstly, make sure you put extra effort into letting your children know how much you love them, and that the divorce is not their fault. They will most likely need more reassurance than is normal, and the more positive words and positive shared experiences during this time the better.

Secondly, resist from being critical of your ex-spouse in front of the children, as regardless of their shortcomings they will always be the other parent of your children. It’s best if you are always cordial and work cooperatively for the good of your offspring.

Thirdly, give your children time and space to express themselves. It is a huge issue for them, and their feelings won’t be resolved immediately. One good idea is to ask them to record their thoughts in a journal. This provides a positive and non-destructive outlet for emotions that are running deep.

If children and divorce is a reality in your situation, you can put these tips into practice. If you do will be on the way to helping your children cope and face the future with confidence and hope.

Wayne and Jenny Gillie are parents and school teachers, and have established http://www.buildkidsconfidence.com as a resource for parents and teachers who want to improve the self confidence of their children or students.

How To Make Divorce Easier On Your Children-by Abigal Hamilton Thompson

Emotions children can experience a wide range of feelings when their parents divorce, such as sadness, anger, loneliness, bewilderment and anxiety. Children usually hide these feelings from their parents.

A lot of children fear that they caused the break up and they need reassurance that this isn't the case.

Both parents should minimize the conflict around the child and try to encourage the child's relationship with the other parent.

Remember that it isn't just you going through the divorce, and be prepared to understand your child's needs and feelings. It may be advantageous to get outside help for you and your child. It is important for you both not to feel alone. Encourage discussion of what is happening and try to avoid sending your child away out of the situation as this just adds to the confusion.

Breaking the news: Most children will have already realised that something is not right in their parent's relationship and that there is a change in the atmosphere.

Choosing the right time to break the news of the divorce is hard. You need to pick a time where there will be no interruptions. Try to make sure the child has had no other stress around this time.

It helps if both parents are present when you decide to tell your child, so you can both answer any questions the child may have and so that there are no conflicting stories about what has happened. Allow the child plenty of time to recover from the news.

Try to ensure that the basic arrangements about the separation are already in place such as visiting, moves, etc.

Make sure that you reassure the child that it is still okay to talk about the other parent. Encourage them to ask questions about the situation and what will happen in the future. Reiterate to your child that in no way is it their fault that the marriage is ending and that it is okay to be upset.

There are many divorce counselling services available designed specifically for children that you may like to consider. Meeting up with other people who have also been through the same situation can also lessen the feeling of loneliness, and help you to realise that you are not the only person that this has happened to.

Effects from divorce Divorce can affect children in a variety of ways, many of which can cause long term problems if not recognised and dealt with immediately. Some children can encounter emotional problems such as withdrawing into a shell or becoming aggressive. They can end up suffering from depression or developing behavioural problems. At school they can suffer a decrease within their academic performance and teachers may notice a change in the child's relationships with their friends.

A normally well behaved, popular, committed student may turn into a disruptive, aggressive pupil who fails to pay attention in lessons.

As well as discussing the divorce with the parents, it may help the child talk about it with the rest of the family and their friends, as well as a counselor or child helplines. There are a number of books available on the subject, both fiction and non-fiction and designed for different ages. There are also a number of websites that discuss the process of divorce.

I have been a freelance writer for two covering subjects such as the outdoors, travel, gardening, parenting and health.

Staying in a Bad Marriage is Bad for Children

While it's not easy for children to go through their parent's divorce, it is better for them than staying in an unhealthy enviroment.

Many couples have stayed in marriages purely for the sake of the children. While their intentions may be good, this will do more harm than good to the child.

Think about it: If a child is growing up in a home that is either full of arguments and fighting, is cold and unloving, or is just plain dysfunctional, this will do damage to the emotional and mental well being of any children living in the house. If there is abuse in the home, the child will grow up believing this is how marriages are. If the home is cold and unloving and the child never sees his parents hugging, laughing together, holding hands or act loving towards each other then he will grow up with a messed up view on marriage.

Divorce is never easy for anyone involved. Children are often confused about what is going on and some children become extremely upset by all the changes happening around them that they have no control over and can't understand.

However, fear of hurting the children is no good reason to stay in a bad marriage. If you want to save the marriage, try your best to work it out. Hopefully it can be repaired and the relationship fixed. But if you know the marriage is over, then don't hold on just for the children. They will end up being angry at you later for it. Your children will most likely be upset and confused during the divorce, but there are things you can do to make the transition smoother for them and in the long run it will be better for them. Being confused and hurt temporarily is better for them than them having to go through the rest of their life living with the effects of growing up in an unhealthy enviroment.

Always remember that 2 parents happy and apart is much better than 2 parents together and miserable.

Many children who are in cold, unloving homes full of tension do a lot better after their parents divorce. Children can feel the tension just as much as you do and they will feel and function a lot better when their home life doesn't have that tension anymore.